Here’s a good case for using SMS text messages:

MG

Moments after a massive earthquake jolted Chile, US televangelist Pat
Robertson went on the air to announce “Chile was hit by an earthquake
because they too made a pact with the Devil.”

Echoing similar statements he made
after Haiti was struck by a major quake in January, the 700 Club host
explained the South American country was being punished  for “ancient
Incan agricultural practices that involved Voodoo-inspired farming
techniques to create Chili peppers that can only be described as ‘hot
like hell’ when ingested.”

“Like many Americans, I have suffered
the evil consequences of consuming a bowl of chili that resulted in
various tummy aches and painful gases that can only be described as
un-God-like,” the controversial evangelist continued. “Chili peppers are
clearly the tools of the Devil. Just like the similarly named rock and
roll group with their drugs and what not.”

When told by a
reporter that the dish chili was likely created by a Spanish nun and that Chili peppers are
known to have several health benefits including lowering blood pressure
and fighting prostate cancer,
Robertson responded, “that’s exactly what the Devil wants you to think”
before demanding the speechless reporter to “explain today’s earthquake
then, Satan.”

Full disclosure: this entire report is a
satirical reminder of the offensive things that Pat Robertson is capable
of saying. Je me souviens.– MG

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1. You see punctuation as a form of extremely passive aggression meant to be used to secretly thrash your enemies in a manner that would make Sun Tzu proud.

2.
You read sites like Reddit.com and Globeandmail.com because you find
the commenters far more entertaining than the articles.

3. Your
idea of a salacious evening is being alone with laptop, a cup of coffee
and copy of Strunk & White’s The Elements Of Style while not wearing any pants.

4. You write crap like this
and expect people to not only read it several times but to also retweet
the hell out of it.

5. You constantly search for literary
reasons to use words like callipygian and frottage.

6. You never
start writing anything until 48 hours before the assignment is due and
swear you’ll never do that again before doing it again a month later.

7. In
meetings, it’s challenging to say more than a dozen words but your mind
is overstuffed with random paragraphs, soliloquies and many a haiku.

8.
While you’re spelling is generally quite good, you intentionally break
rules of grammar and underscore that audacity by

9. You’ve
always wanted to engage Douglas Coupland in Greco-Roman wrestling,
against his will.

10. You write little lists like this instead of
writing the next Great Novel because it still qualifies as “writing.” — MG

B/tard alert! Moot of 4chan fame explains the “rules of the Internet” at the annual TED conference about his notorious imageboard site:

Mr LOLcats should cross the border and attend IdeaCity next year, just for the win. — MG

A friend of mine just sent this pic of his laptop running with 4 monitors:

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As crazed as it looks, he describes how it works for him:

“Note the two large left monitors are running a Visio session each which is technically speaking impossible; the application doesn’t support it but I’ve figured out how to do it. And do it all the time. That’s the nature of my work, constant multitasking. Can’t function without at least two monitors, three is almost necessary. The fourth consolidates the kinds of communications that you have to keep your eye on, real-time chat, stuff that you just want to spot as it comes in.”

Next week: 8 monitors and 4 different types of cancer. — MG

On Wednesday Televangelist Pat Robertson went on his show, the 700 Club, to explain the reason why Haiti just underwent the recent earthquake and other catastrophe’s was because the country “made a deal with the devil.”�